I don’t get soccer. Am I not a dude or just American?!

I just don’t understand. There I said it. I pride myself on being a sports guy. I can name all NFL teams, love to watch college football, am a NBA and MLB guy (during the playoffs) but for the life of me I can’t get into “the other football”.

Now that the U.S. is eliminated from World Cup I feel like I can come clean. Let my emotions flow freely. Rip my kit off and hand it to another dude. Too soon? Not manly? Okay.

See the fact that I say “kit” and not jersey means I know a little more about soccer football than I did last week!

I was even in South Korea during the World Cup a few years ago. Sure it was awesome. The crowd was electric, the celebrations were epic and I even watched a live game. But alas, I finally had to own the fact that I just don’t understand the rules.

Before I commit to playing a sport or even liking one I need to know all the rules. My wife said, “It’s a simple game. You kick a ball at the other goal and the one with the most points, wins.” No. It’s not that simple. There are red cards, yellow cards, penalty kicks. All kinds of junk I’ve never taken the time to understand.

WCUP WORLD CUP SOCCER ITALY FRANCE FINALProbably in the same way that some people think baseball is boring, I feel like there is just not enough action.

Don’t get me wrong, any athlete that can run for 90+ minutes straight gets a tip of the hat from me, but I think I need more scoring. I like it when the ball gets close to the goal. (Did I just say that sentence?) And the last minutes of regulation SEEM to be exciting, but I still can’t figure it out.

Maybe that’s it. Maybe I just solved my own riddle. I don’t know the rules. So, if you’re like me, and need a little, er, a lot of help in that department, HERE YOU GO.


If you do better with just a cheat sheet check THIS out or THIS for an easy video.

Well, I promise to brush up, learn the rules and even kick a ball once or twice in the next four years. See you in 2018.