Mom gets all the credit for bringing my daughters into this world. Mom went through that whole long drawn-out pregnancy thing. Mom went through all the pain and the drama of childbirth and everyone exalts her for this. Mom, from the beginning, gets to tell these little ones, “You were in mommy’s tummy. That’s where you came from. Isn’t that special.” While dad…well, dad was just – there. Dad was an innocent bystander watching while an apparent alien overtook mom’s body and emotions. Dad drove the car to the hospital when it was time and made sure the camera and the phone were charged. Dad got a bucket of ice like he saw on some TV show because he thought mom would need her lips iced or something.

Does dad get ANY credit for his part in bringing these amazing creatures into this world?

NOOO, of course not! Why would he? Mom did all the heavy lifting! Dad was just there. His little part in the whole process was done months ago. I feel I should qualify what I mean by “little part”. I mean in the whole grand scheme of the process, mine was a small but integral part of the…ya know what, never mind. Dad was basically a VERY supportive personal assistant through all this.

Dad has no leg to stand on if he complains and says, “What about me? Mom and I are a team. We did this together.” Sure my part was the fun part and didn’t take very long. Again I feel I should qualify. When I say “didn’t take very long” I mean in comparison to pregnancy and labor. Not that it didn’t take very long to…never mind. Anyway, dad just doesn’t get any credit.

Well, after 10 long years I finally got some recognition. This past Father’s Day I received a Father’s Day card to beat all previous Father’s Day cards from my daughter, Grace.


Dear Dad,

You are the best. You fertalized [sic] me. You are a really big part of my existence. Thank you for making me live!

Love, Grace

PS: That is what I learned in growth and development. I never want to go through puberty.

FINALLY, the procreation credit I’ve been looking for! I’d like to thank the state of California’s Human Growth and Development curriculum for leading my daughter to understand that I. AM. THE FERTILIZER. Sure I think the curriculum is offered too early (4th grade), and the things she has heard and seen have created some awkward conversations, but still I am now appreciated in the eyes of my daughter for doing my part in her existence. And that’s pretty cool.

So, dads everywhere – give yourselves a pat on the back for being THE FERTILIZER (it sounds like a Superhero, right?!?). To those dudes out there who are new dads or whose wives might be expecting, and you see her getting all the props while no one gives you a nod- read this and be encouraged, my friend. Like all Superheroes, you don’t need the recognition, but just the quiet resolve to know how important your fertilizing was. Then maybe someday when your child is barely old enough to understand, they too will thank you for fertilizing them. Until then, happy fertilizing!

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